2 Months

Dear Kathryn,
Today, July 13th, you would have been two months old. 

Really hard to wrap my head around that...around all that's occurred in two months. 

I miss you a whole, whole lot, baby. 

I think I'm dealing with some anger, some frustration, and some anxiety of late over why me, why you, and why our family. 

But on the flip side, as crazy as this is, I guess I'm glad it happened to me as opposed to anybody else. 

I know it sounds crazy, but in some weird way, I think life's circumstances prepare us for the future. 

I hate that I felt somewhat prepared for what happened to you....because it's not like it makes it any easier in the least bit, but sometimes I think to myself, what if it happened to someone else?  And what if it crippled them? 

No matter how indescribably painful and hard this is, at least I'm not crippled by it. 

Thank you God and Your grace for that.

Your brother is growing.  He's talking up a storm, using two word (sometimes 3) phrases, running, laughing, and loving.  He sure would have loved you. 

I keep going back to those 12 precious days we had with you and I thank my God EVERY. SINGLE. DAY that I had the mother's intuition to bring him to meet you at the hospital.  I think that weekend, I just knew you may not get better.  Thankfully, you are whole now, perfect both inside and out.

Your daddy and I have needed this time we've had lately to reconnect.  It was a really hard spring.  Shortly after your grammie died, I got sick with that respiratory virus, then almost immediately after that was when we found out you were sick.  There was alot of stress, alot of emotion, too many tears.  So we've spent lots of good time together lately.  Trips, time with your brother, and time with the rest of our family.  Your GG and Doc have kept Thomas a couple of times, and so has your Gramps. 

It's hard for everyone, though, Kathryn, with you gone.  There's a little hole in this entire family's heart now.  But lucky for us, we are keeping the faith and living life. 

I say good night to you every night before I go to bed. 
I hope you know that. 

I dream of you dancing among the clouds, walking hand in hand with your grammie while she helps you pick flowers from a field of sunshine, and laying next to me on my pillow as I sleep.....

It puts my heart at ease...

Soar and live up there, sweet girl...Soar and live.