Treading Water

"We never know the worth of water, 'til the well is dry..." ~ English Proverb

I'm not having the greatest of days. 

Feeling fairly sorry for myself, a little overwhelmed, and a lot out of control. 

So I straightened my hair. 

Hint for those of you who may not know: when this girl feels out of control, she straightens her hair.  Makes me feel somehow like I have a little bit of a say in what goes on in my life, or at least like I can pretend it. 

It's a pity party sort of day, where I'm feeling down, knowing that's just how it is, knowing it's justified, but hating that it is.... 

Thomas had his first swim lesson on Saturday with his friend Chloe.  Heather and I were pretty nervous, not knowing how they would react. 



Thomas & Chloe before Swim Lessons



The first five minutes for Thomas were tough.  He was pretty freaked out.  Never cried, but whimpered, yelled a little, and was CLINGING to me so tightly.  I could tell he was really scared.  The pool was big, the water had a little chill to it, and something that he thought was going to be like second nature, he let some fears and doubts enter into play.

It wasn't until I stopped to show him that my feet were touching the ground while I held him, that I was walking, and he was safe, that he really calmed down. 

And then, well then he had a complete BLAST.

It's sort of how I've been feeling lately, what I need to remind myself: I'm not in control. 

But I'm not going to drown either. 

I'm going to hold on, to tread water, and learn to kick and blow bubbles as I go, because something, someone a heck of a lot bigger than me, has it all under control. 

When that happens, and when you come to that realization, it makes testing out the waters much easier. 

I'm not going to drown. 

I may get a little choked up, I may get tired, and there may be days like today that I just don't want to try to pretend like I know what I'm doing anymore.

But I'm not going to drown. 

And in the end, if I'm lucky, I'll have a big smile on my face like these two.