20 Days

I think this is a first for me. 

Twenty days without writing on here is some sort of record. 

That just goes to show you how crazy life has been around these parts. 

So I'll attempt a recap. 

This has been a really good month.

After I last wrote, BT and I went to the beach for four days to celebrate our 5th anniversary. It was fantastic, just what I needed. We did a lot of relaxing, a lot of reading, a lot of eating, a little playing, and really just enjoyed the quiet. We were quiet a lot that weekend. It was good. It was needed.

Our little condo



Sunset

 And while we relaxed, Thomas had a blast with Gigi, Doc, & Uncle Myles.  That kid sure does love his gigi/doc, but I'll be honest, he has a special place in his heart for Uncle Myles.  I think it's because they can really relate to each other's silliness.  Not sure what that says about my 25 year old brother, but it works for the two of them :)

Thomas Playing with Myles in the backyard

Thomas & his Doc

At the Mall

Sacked out from a great weekend!

When we got back from our trip, we basically did laundry, ran through another week of work, and repacked to head back out of town the following weekend.  We spent the weekend with our friends from college, some of my very best girls, and the ones that know me so very well.  We try to do this at least once a year, and have been very lucky that Kerry & Jeff have opened up their little haven outside of town for us to get together.  It's always so peaceful.  This year, it was a little chaotic though, with 7 kids under 6!  But we had such a wonderful time.  Good sleep, good food, good wine, good conversation, and for seven children that young, very few tears!

Thomas and Cassie May, watching TV on Saturday morning

Fishing

T's first time fishing.  He loved it!

Four of Seven in the hot tub: Thomas, Allan, Bennett, and Addie

Left to Right: Bennett, Celia, Thomas, Samuel, Cassie, Addie, & Allan



Last Day Picture with the Girls

 Saturday afternoon while we were there, Natalie, Taylor, and I were sitting out on the deck in the rocking chairs enjoying a rare moment of quiet while the boys had most of the older kids out and about.  Taylor asked me, in the way only she can, as she has such a way with words:

"How are you?  I mean, how is your HEART?" 

 No one has phrased it quite like that before. 

So I told them: it is what it is.  My heart feels pretty beat up.  But what else is there to do?  There's a peace in that.  So we talked for a bit about the peace that comes with knowing that something just is how it is, and being okay with it.  It's a challenge to come to that point.  For anything in life, whether it's a death, a loss of a dream, someone letting you down: it's the loss of control, and the acceptance of the fact that it just really sucks sometimes.  And they get that. 

That's why that weekend was so good.  Because they get it.

SO--fast forward to after that weekend.  We had two showings on our house that weekend, and found out Sunday night that one of them was very interested.  This is huge, as our house has now been on the market for a year. 

We originally put it on the market because we needed more space. 
Then, that reason temporarily went away.  But we kept it on anyway, knowing we wanted a fresh start, and wanted to move eventually, realizing it could take quite some time.

The offer came through on Tuesday. 
I'm not gonna lie: it was lower than we would have preferred. 
But that's about right in this market.  So after a few counter-offers, we both came to an amount that we were happy with. 

If all goes well with inspection, we are supposed to close THREE WEEKS from tomorrow. 
We have to clean out.
We have to pack.
We have to FIND A PLACE TO LIVE.

These are all big stressors.  But it'll work out.  Another lesson in patience and trust for me.

It's an exciting time for us. 

And it seemed appropriate that we capped off last week's excitement with March for Babies in memory of Kathryn on Saturday. 

BT & T at the walk

Baby Liam: Crawling for Kathryn

My favorite picture right now

Me & Mally

Heather, Amber, & Me

Saturday morning at the park

Amber & T

Holding on tight to his free Kmart bag

On the Walk

First Place :)

It was a beautiful day.  We had about 18 of our friends and family out there to celebrate and walk with us.  There were a few tears, a lot of laughs, many smiles, and I left feeling very full in my heart, deep down to my belly.  You know, just that DEEP feeling of satisfaction.  The one that pulls at your core.  That's what I felt on Saturday.  It was perfect, minus, how my aunt put it, the beautiful 11 month old girl that should have been there with us.

And now, tomorrow it is May. 

I'm trying to wrap my head around all that's going to go on for us in the next two weeks with looking for a place to live, packing, and also giving myself a little grieving room for what's coming up on May 13.  It really actually might serve as the perfect distraction for me.

I should be planning a 1st birthday party. 


But I'm not. 
And the year has given me time to accept it. 

It's hard to get too sad when there's just so much beauty all around. 

It's just really SO. BEAUTIFUL.