Dates

There's a certain significance in dates.

When I was younger, I thought how awful it must have been for my mom when her dad, my granddaddy, died on her birthday.

We got some bad news yesterday about baby Kathryn. Turns out she has non-immune fetal hydrops. There is fluid on her lungs and on her heart, and swelling. The hydrops, though is a complication of a cause, not the cause itself. They did an amnio to determine what's causing it. It could range from fetal anemia to an infection to a chromosomal abnormality.

Regardless of what's causing it, it means something's not right.

This also explains why I have so much amniotic fluid. As my doctor put it, he could see 10,000 women and I would still have more fluid than all of them. I am currently carrying about twenty pounds of amniotic fluid.

Yes we are a little shaken up right now.  And every single thought and worst case scenario has played through my head.  I feel guilty for thinking this, but I'd almost rather continue imagining the worst case scenario in my head to prepare myself, and hopefully and prayerfully, but graciously and miraculously be surprised. 

I spent this morning back at the hospital getting  my lungs checked because of the risk of this syndrome, and I'll continue to monitor my blood pressure daily, if not more than once a day. 

Our doctors believe my water could break any day due to the huge amount of fluid that I am carrying, and everyone is sort of in a waiting game, waiting until tomorrow, when we know more. 

What I do know is that my God is bigger than any problem, and He is the one that makes the plans, not me. 

You see, when you first find out you are pregnant, there is a wealth of emotions that come with this discovery, the most of which is the whole new world of possibilities....for your life, your child's life, and the love that you already feel.  But then..you wait the entire first trimester, regardless of how healthy your pregnancy is, in anticipation of getting past that 14th week, thinking FOR SURE, that everything means it's fine after that....

Then you think, once I can get to that 20 week anatomy ultrasound, and we see there are no problems, and we find out whether we'll have a son or a daughter, then....THEN it is smooth sailing.

I can't begin to describe to you the agony in learning this late, at 32 weeks, that there is something wrong.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 

So please pray for us as we deal with this in our own private way.  For me, writing on this blog helps me process it all, so you'll get to have that little window into things.  Count yourself lucky :-)

For today, we will celebrate our 4th anniversary, a date and a symbol of our commitment to "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do we part."