breath by breath...

No one ever asks to see pictures of her.

That's one of the things that hit me this morning.  Every new mom loves showing off pictures of their child, and no one ever asks to see pictures of my baby.  I also rarely get asked to talk about her.  I guess that's what happens when people just don't know what to say.

Until yesterday.

I went to lunch with a 'new' friend yesterday.  I say 'new' because we've known each other for a while now in a colleague-type setting, but now, it seems, we're becoming non-colleague friends.  Which is nice, as its just plain hard to make new friends as an adult.  You know what I mean.  It's a weird process.  At lunch, we just talked.  And talked.  And talked.  And she asked about me, and asked about Kathryn, and just wanted to talk about it. 

I needed that.

Then yesterday afternoon, I had my appointment with the grief counselor at Amelia Center.  It was good.  I cried.  Alot. 

And she asked if I had any pictures of Kathryn. 

Of course I did.  I have hundreds on my phone.  So I showed her my favorite.

And I'll show it to you, too:

Last night, I was able to say a phrase without crying, as a statement of fact, to BT:

"I miss baby Kathryn."

And I didn't cry.  I just let myself miss her. 

And I sure do miss her alot.

Hard to believe Saturday will be one month since she left our arms. 

But Saturday we have things to be excited about.  A birthday party for a dear friend's miracle baby boy, who is turning 3, and a baby shower for our newest family addition, my cousin's baby Lyla, due in September. 

I really want something to be excited about, and baby Lyla, I'm excited about you.

I keep telling myself, 'one breath at a time,' and for now, it keeps working.

At least as best as it can....